Good evening world... Today was filled with deep thinking. Had a lab test in the morning. I should be able to pass that.. School ended at 11... I took 15 to the Community centre to return 'A Grief Observed'... Had Burger King for lunch at Parkway... She messaged me to pray for America. So that war wouldn't happen. One of those mass messages... Sat alone reading and thinking for quite long. Wanted to do material for the retreat but didn't know how to start. I didn't look at the time. After that I wandered around parkway... Most of the shops reminded me of her. 'Charles and Keith', 'U2', 'The Body Shop' and even 'Isetan'... Almost everything reminds me of her.
Read some books at Life Bookshop... I was practically looking for the title, "How to make the pain go away"... Of course, there's no such book. There was one that caught my eye though... "She Said Yes" It was written by the mother of Cassie Bernall... The school girl who got killed in the Columbine School Shooting. The book included some stuff from her journal... It was really touching. I don't wish to die but I do hope that I'll be able to do something BIG for God...

I couldn't sleep last night because the fear came back... The panic attack started again. I was tossing and turning in bed. Spent I dunno how long crying out to God. I'm turning into a nutcase? Am I spending too much time thinking about her? Even though we're no longer together, I still think of her more often than I think of God... That can't be good can it? Whats so special about you? Thousands of people feel the pain of breaking up... Millions around the world are crying for one reason or another. What makes you different from the rest?

Lets just live one day at a time, one step at a time... God, accompany me as I stumble along.